I found out a few days ago that I had been passed over for a business deal that would've made me significant money.

For 10 seconds I was jealous of the person who did get chosen.

For 30 seconds I was pissed at the people working on my behalf for not getting the job done -- and an additional 15 seconds wondering if they ever seriously worked to get it done in the first place.

For another 30 seconds I wondered if there was something wrong with me and my presentation, which would explain my being passed over.

Then I checked my emotions and resumed thinking like a business person, like a person of power.

Any time you subject yourself to being chosen, you run the risk of not being chosen. It's like playing the lottery. It's a lot of fun when you win, but you can't base a business or your success or self-worth or your personal power on being chosen by someone else.

The first step in obtaining power is to detach from your emotions and keep them in control at all times. The second step is to put yourself -- or things you influence -- in control of as much of your world as possible. That means less waiting to be chosen and more of doing the actual choosing. Less waiting for the call and more making the call. Less applying for positions and more accepting applications, if you will.

Since I play basketball, people often ask me which basketball players I look up to the most. The truth is I don't look up to basketball players -- or many athletes at all. Athletes get chosen a lot: recruited, drafted, voted-in. It doesn't mean you're not great at what you do (I steal basketball skills and techniques from basketball players all the time), but there's a limit to how many can be chosen.

Have you ever seen a nightclub where the bouncers turn people away? The building can only hold but so many people. And the bouncers decide who gets in. At some point every night, the bouncers decide that no one else is getting in. If you're in line at that point, you have 3 choices:

Stay standing in line, hoping you eventually get picked to enter the building.
Turn around and go home, knowing you at least gave it a shot.
Purchase the vacant building across the street and start your own party.

If you were selected to enter the club, that's fantastic. The bouncers must like you. The ones I look up to are the people who hire the bouncers.