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I ordered a product from Amazon on Wednesday. Guaranteed two-day shipping and a little bit of math told me the package would arrive by Friday.

By Friday night, no package.

I tracked the package. It wasn’t even in the state of Florida at last check-in. The package wasn’t going to make it on time.

I called Amazon and spoke to an outsourced (India? Bangladesh? Philippines?) customer service person. He was well-trained. He called UPS and assured me that the package would arrive on Saturday morning.

Which is fine — but that would make the package a day late.

I voiced my concern over the lateness of my order. I knew what would happen because it’s happened before: the customer service person would grant me a $5 customer credit towards a future purchase to appease me for my troubles — and that’s exactly what he said he would do.

I played for higher stakes.

Five dollars isn’t enough. I want twenty.

I’m sorry sir, but the system only allows me to credit you $5…

Your “guaranteed delivery” is an entire day late. My day is worth more than $5. Twenty.

I was placed on hold while the rep, “Charlie,” spoke to his supervisor. He came back after a few minutes.

I wonder what I’ll buy with my $20…

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